You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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