"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
