my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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