Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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