I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
