the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
