I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
