just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
