so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
