I want to have your abortion
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
