Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
