Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
