Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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