oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
