This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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