dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
