that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
