He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
