Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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