I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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