Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
