You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
