my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize