Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
