My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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