4 words: hood of his car
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
