Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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