I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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