The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
