I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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