somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize