What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
