i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
