Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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