He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
is that a dick in a sweater?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
