He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize