i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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