I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
one two three fourrrrnication!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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