Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
