Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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