Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
