butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
