What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
