We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
