Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
