he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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