i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
