On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
