he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
