Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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