is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
