i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
