Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
