I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
