You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
