hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
