I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
