He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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