If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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