He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sext me about skeletons
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
