I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
