there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
