Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
