I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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