Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
