That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
