Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
