Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
