Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
